Saturday, June 16, 2012

One night at 1 am



The storm outside refused to die down. A streak of lightning pierced the sky accompanied by a roar of thunder. It must be around 1 am and Neha was fast asleep. She was a 28-year old single woman who lived all alone. All of a sudden, she woke up as if awoken by an invisible hand. There was something wrong in the air. She sniffed and got a nauseating smell as if a decomposing body was rotting somewhere. She got up. Wind was howling outside with the ferocity of an express train.

And then she heard it. It was a barely audible sound but it seemed as if someone was crying. Neha concentrated hard on the sound. There was a pregnant pause and then she heard it again. It was an unmistakable sound of someone weeping silently. Confused and tentative, Neha scanned the house but could not identify the source of the sound. It seemed to be emanating from thin air. And then with a suddenness, somebody rattled at her door. Shaken, Neha asked the question, “Who is it”? But there was no reply. Was it just the wind playing games with her? And then once again, there was a sharp knock. Who could it be at this hour of the night?  She mustered courage, approached the door and pulled it open. It opened with a creak. The sky outside lit up with a flash of lightning. But she saw no one. Perhaps, it was just the wind!
Neha came inside and bolted the door. As she turned, she froze in horror. There was someone sitting on her bed. It was a woman with dark, long hair covering her face. She was weeping. Neha’s heart began to pound. “Who is it,” she heard herself saying. Her voice was barely recognizable in fear. The woman turned and Neha screeched in fear. She saw her own replica looking back at her with tearful eyes. It was wearing the same dress as Neha and uncannily resembled her.
“Look, what you have done to yourself,” the woman shot her an accusatory look. Neha looked down on the bed and saw, to her horror, a third woman lying on the bed, still and dead. A bottle of sleeping pills was clutched tightly on her dead fingers. It was Neha and she had committed suicide.



14 comments:

  1. Haunting yet brilliant. Good pace and kept me hooked on to read till the end.

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    1. Thanks Sriram. Welcome to my blog :)

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  2. WOW!! That was deep.. and scary too.. If you don't mind my critique, I would change the title.. Something that matches the scene.. Maybe something like.. the third woman.. or storm of death or something as equally haunting as this tale here.. and with that said...

    I think you should put this piece away and revisit it at a later date.. maybe one day, you can write a novel.. I would like to know what this woman Neha was like.. Why did she feel the need to end her life so soon?

    What was her childhood like? Was she a victim? Did somebody she knew very well die and she just couldn't deal with the pain? Or did she do something really terrible that no one could ever forgive her for?

    Just giving you some things to think about for future use maybe.. when you decide to write that book! Good post Ritesh!

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    1. Hi Cryssy. Ya i was struggling to find a good title. In the end came up with 'One night at 1 am'. Your suggestion is appreciated. And about the whole story...well.....hmmm....we will see

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    2. Trying to find a good strong title is by far the hardest part about writing! But, you have to do what you feel is best!

      Glad you will atleast give the idea of turning this into something bigger! I'm sure your mind could fill in the pieces very well.

      Someday, I hope to see your book sitting on my book shelf!

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    3. Hehe, it's always great to read what u write. *hugs*

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  3. Superb....The end was something I did not predict at all...Awesome!

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    1. Thanks... I love making things unpredictable :D

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  4. A creepy scary post. It was a very nice read. Loved the pace at which the story was taken. What actually put Neha into such a mess is what I'd love to know.... Weave it around and let us know:)

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    1. Thanks Ashwini. Your comment means a lot. :)

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  5. Awesome read!! this was something i really enjoy reading... pace was really gud and end was scary... gud one :)

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  6. Arey now i read it again after one year and i can see that my writing was so immature that time. But thanks swati :)

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