Jadavpur University campus survival tips

t2 issue of 19th sep, 2015

Following are some survival tips for freshers (or veterans) at JU (Jadavpur University, Kolkata) campus:  

*Don't let AC canteen fool you by its name. It doesn't have AC. As the old bard said, "What's in a name"

*For cheap printouts @50p per page, head to the xerox centre situated shyly behind the capacious AC canteen

*Jheel is just a romantic red herring. For real mush-fest, go to Worldview's terrace.

*Cheapest and the most walk-worthy canteen is a remotely located jungle-wala canteen. Opens after 1.40 pm. On your way, you will pass through quarantined dogs.

*The corridor to Comparative Literature Departmental library will always have water over the floor. A Harry Potter connect, minus the Chamber of Secrets (but who knows). Dare not peep into the girl's bathroom, though ;)

[

Pimple, sense and sensibility

To begin with, I am not much of a pimple person. I have hardly sprouted half a dozen pimples over the years and they have been tolerably manageable since they do not explode all at a time. Truly, now when I come to think of it, I feel that I have been extremely blessed to have a face that does not share any admirable affinity with this dreaded round ball. Yet, on occasions when a stray pimple has come like an uninvited guest, growing shamelessly over a happy face, it has disrupted my day severely. Though at the back of the mind, one knows that a pimple, much like time, is evanescent and will go away soon, yet one has to acknowledge that its destructive power is undeniably supreme, again much like time. My face is not accustomed to living with a pimple and hence any sudden hijack by these unwanted devils makes me completely jumpy. My day gets troubled and my mind gets queasy. Going out of the house poses a huge mental challenge especially if such a going out entails an encounter with a woman of an agreeable denomination.

I recall an instance when I was so appalled at the rude arrival of an ugly pimple right at the outset of a date that I had tried to prick it using my talons. Unfortunately, I found that I possessed no talons and whatever nails I actually possessed could help me no more than a talon would have had. For pimples, I realized are like women- they must be handled with care, with sense and sensibility (credits: Jane Austen), softly, methodically and certainly not harshly. A cream or lotion was the need of the hour but since I stocked no such anti-pimple weapon, I had to make do with a regular cold cream. It would not quite serve the purpose since its job is not to kill the pimples but to warm the skin, yet it would somehow darken my fair-skinned face somewhat and help me to camouflage the pimple to an extent.

During one desperate day when a pimple rattled in out of the blue, I pressed it so hard that blood and pain began to ooze out. That was another instance when I realized that a pimple is really designed on similar lines to a woman. No matter how much you try to suppress them, you will fail, and the blood and pain will only be yours.

No, I am not trying to make any patriarchal statement and the similie is a marriage between jest and creativity, but there you are. I did my explaining and I am positive you too got the drift. Pimples are bossy, irritating and hard to get rid of- just like a girlfriend, which goes on to show why a girl and a pimple walk hand in hand.    :P 

[So, a pimple specialist can only treat you out of it. This product could help. 

For reading skin care tips and tricks, read some popular posts at NoPimplesNoMarks.com .]

Alternate careers for JU teachers of Comparative Literature

Source: Google images

What if our dear professors and lecturers at Jadavpur University were not in this profession and were something completely else. Based on their habits and teaching style, this is a meant-to-be-a-fun-read post on the suitable alternative careers for them:

Ipsita Chanda- Architect  (coz she goes so deep)

Kunal Chatterjee- Substitute for Prof. Binns, the teacher of history of Hogwarts  (coz KC is the only one listening to himself, and can be soporific to the extent of putting Dennis the Menace to sleep)

Dipannita-  Poster girl for Lakme India

Sujit Kumar Mondal- Stage comic actor  (I don't know why. Perhaps he is just too endearing and can always make his audience smile)

Sayantan Dasgupta- Projector guy at Inox

Debashree Datta Ray- A storyteller (A bard using oral tradition or a novelist who uses diacritical marks)

Suchorita Chattopadhyay- Owner of a poultry farm that rears dogs or a babysitter

Partho Sarthi Bhowmick- Editor of a revolutionary Bengali magazine called 'Hok Theatre'

Kavita Punjabi- Coach of Kolkata 'Knight' Riders

[Note: No offence intended. The post is to be read with a light heart. I hold upmost respect for all these beloved teachers.]

-Ritesh Agarwal,

PG-1 student of Comparative Literature,

Dated: 4^th November 2014

Email: ritzy182000@gmail.com

Classics, Crushes and Google-gifted girlfriends

 I am tempted to talk of my social life, of my friends, of people who claim to be my friends, of friends who claim to be just people and of nobody who claims to be anybody. But this blog is my way of giving something back to ‘literature’ to which I owe a part of my life and the whole of my heart till eternity. So, would it be digression on my part if I throw in a gadget which you may yell should be discussed (and debated) over the tables at some tech-heavy blog like Windows2008IsASexyThing.com or AllAboutTechStuff.com or something other blah-blah.com (who cares)!

But actually, technology is as much a part of ‘literature’ today as a river is a part of sea. E-book has changed the course of history (rather literature).

I can stand from the top of my roof and confess to the world at large, “Hey, I hate e-books. I love my tangible, touchable, smellable, feelable, readable, holdable, sleepable and everything else-able ‘real’ book.”

But I cannot deny the significance of an e-book. Today, I have enough money to fund my books. But I remember when I was pursuing my graduation in 2005, I didn’t have money and it was on internet where I devoured Jerome K. Jerome’s “Three Men on a Boat”. Of course, things were not as easy (and fast) as we have today. I would still use an alarm clock to wake up at 5, most girls still wore inners and internet was available either at a cyber café or at a rich man’s house.

Goes without saying that I had to sit for hours in my college cyber to satisfy my reading urges. I couldn’t read while on the move or else I would have used my traveling time of 1-hour for digging into Dickens and D.H.

Wish we had some gadget back then which was portable and also affordable! Sigh!

Now, of course, the story is altogether different. I don’t use an alarm clock anymore. It has been chucked in the deepest recesses of my shelf, its place now being taken by the ‘talking alarm clock’. Girls still wear inners, though not with the same enthusiasm (or frequency). And internet is freely available at every place (sometimes even at toilets). It needs no saying that thousands of readers now prefer to tap at the screen instead of turning the pages. E-reading has taken over in a big way and even though my loathing for it is incorrigible, I cannot deny its universal impact.

With something like ASUS Transformer BookT100 (the new gadget on the block), reading on the go is as easy as Trigonometry (at least I was good in Maths you know). While the existing set of laptops, tablets and phones has already been ruling the e-reading circuit, the special and standout quality about T100 is that it is a two-in-one gadget. It is a laptop prima facie. But you can yank the monitor out and bingo you get a 10-inch phone/tablet at your hand.     

The way I put it, you may have got reminded of a lizard and its detachable tail. But allow this video to do the explanation to you

ASUSTransformer Book T100 is light in weight (almost as light as light). It is user-friendly (almost as user-friendly as a girl who believes in live-in relationships). It is full of surprises, full of features but I repeat what makes it stand out is its capacity to satisfy your dual needs for a tablet and a laptop.

So when I eyed the society ‘1984’ style (hope you have heard of George Orwell), I realized that the youths today are suffering from three serious problems.

Problem 1: They want to carry less

No matter whether they are carrying books, gadgets, bags or even food, they like to keep their hands free. T100 is, I dare say, the child born out of a happy marriage between laptop and phone. So, you can carry less and still have more.

Problem 2: They are restless while traveling

Gone are the days when a man would happily while away an entire train journey by only gazing shyly at the equally shy girl sitting on the opposite seat. Now, people don’t have the patience (or the shyness) to merely gaze. They want to talk and the best way to break the initial cold ice is to chat online. So, if you can equip yourself with a user-friendly portable gadget, a girl will be just a mouse click away. Likewise, if you are a girl, a boy (and a hot one at that) will be just a tap away (As one Priyanka says, ‘why should boys have all the fun’).

Problem 3: Men no longer play ‘dress me up’

Those kinky days of fun and flirt when men would try to salvage a drab office day by playing ‘dress me up’ upon an animated girlie character are gone. Candy Crush is their new crush. And as far as Temple Run goes, I swear I will kill that guy who sends me a FB request over it 10 times a day.

*shrugs* I really am not much into these games. I had my full quota of Super Marios and Battle Citys when I was a kid.

But as far as I see, the world is divided into two kinds of people. One kind is that kind which is obsessed with games, and the other kind is me. So, if you are not me (which of course you are not unless you have written this post and know my favorite brand of butter), you are someone else and if you are someone else, you are bound to be a geeky gamer in which case you should seriously start thinking of getting ASUS’s T100.

You may call me old-fashioned if you want but I am a sucker for classics (both books and films). So, when I do get my ASUS Transformer Book T100, if I do get it ever, you are likely to find me reading a Jane Austen or watching Lady Chatterley’s Lover when I am traveling (and these days, I do travel a lot).

The rest of you can run your Temple Runs and do your cooing with Google-made girlfriends. But for me, a book is still a sexier thing.

[This post, despite having been written on behalf of ASUS for an IndiBlogger-run contest, is a true reflection of my feelings and views. So you dare not think that I am trying to force you to buy this product, though if I were you I would have bought it alreadyJ]

-Ritesh Agarwal

Email: ritzy182000@gmail.com    

What's in a name

The name of a person is more important to me than it is to the rest of the world. But one shouldn't judge people by their names, because names can be dangerously misleading.

For instance, my friend Swetha is called Swetha though she is very un-Swethaish. A Swetha is supposed to be quiet, serious and sober. But she is like a carefree, jumping rabbit.

Another friend is named Asha, though she has no traits of an Asha. Then there is Swati who is intriguing and not at all like the uncomplicated girl a Swati is expected to be.

May be, their parents named them wrongly. Or may be, they were named correctly, but they grew up to become something else, something they were not supposed to become, and quite incongruous to the way they were named.

But then reality, unlike fiction, does not always make sense. My college friend Sayan is aptly named, since he is outspoken, bold, popular and, at times, even impertinent and cocky, the way Sayans must be. My sister Chitra is super-intelligent and efficient and has lived up to her name magnificently. My brother Mohit too has carried the cross of being a Mohit in an exceptionally true manner- being ambitious and diligent that he is. My bhabhi Sonam too is graceful, sober, smart and silently intelligent the way her name entitles her to be.

Finally, I must congratulate my parents, or whoever named me, for naming me exactly the way I was named. A Ritesh symbolises goodness, cuteness, moderate intelligence, modesty and hidden greatness. On that count,   I have blossomed out into an appropriate Ritesh, though some of my namesakes have been too mediocre and unexceptional, thereby eroding the reputation of my name. The onus rests on me to continue to remain the torchbearer of a true Ritesh in its chaste and unsullied form, and with all the goodness intact, despite some inherent flaws which I humbly accept that I possess in the right amount.

PS- I am not being arrogant or pompous. It's just that  I feel that I have been named rightly.

Bathroom- A place where geniuses are born

I feel that the world owes several of its ingenious discoveries and inventions to this humble place called ‘bathroom’.

Everyday I walk into the bathroom with a bloated stomach and an empty head, and walk out after 20 minutes with an empty stomach and a bloated head. There is some sort of magical serenity to this place which makes the head buzz with ideas.

On umpteen occasions, I have just rushed out of the bathroom in my ‘Eureka’ moment and grabbed a pen, paper, iPad, phone or laptop just to quickly jot down a plot, narrative, idea or a story that grew in my mind in that ‘fertile’ land called ‘bathroom’.

Speaking of ‘Eureka’, this word sprung into global usage only after one Mr. Archimedes popularized it when he ran out naked from his bath tub after the epiphany of ‘buoyant force’ hit him as he was enjoying his bath.

Source: Google images

So you see, bathroom does offer that solitude and relaxation that helps you to think out-of-the-box (in this case, out-of-the-tub).

Sometimes, I feel that the tale of the apple falling over Isaac Newton’s head is a fabricated made-up story. What actually transpired got hushed up in order to save the modesty of the great scientist. Maybe, he was just sitting over the commode and then ‘you know what’ fell with a splash and the idea struck him-

 ‘Why the hell did it go down and not come up’.

Image source: Dailymail.co.uk

Yeah, there is some force which pulls things down. Now, we know it as gravity!   *wink wink*

   

~Ritesh Agarwal,

Email- ritzy182000@gmail.com

Ambi Pur Mini Vent Clip Review: Pros and Cons and some melodrama

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Get Ambi Pur Vent Clip for Car
(Ting ting ti ting)

When the courier-wala violently rang my door bell and appeared in a state of urgency (as if his life depended on making me sign the parcel), I grabbed it out of him and bid him a chagrined goodbye (much to his relief).

When some fluffy and heavily-wrapped parcel arrives at my place these days, my entire family congregates in excited anticipation, with a beacon of hope in their eyes and with a fervent prayer-‘Kaash is baar book na ho’ (hoping it’s not another book this time).

So, on unfurling the wrapper, when my mom discovered that it was some special (and sophisticated-looking) thing, she leapt in delight and began to run around the house. It was the Mini Vent Car Clip by Ambi Pur. The company, in association with IndiBlogger, was generously giving free samples to fortunate bloggers like me (one of the many perks of being an IndiBlogger member) and, like all my fellow blogging mates, I was greedy enough to apply for it. *evil laugh in the background*

So, when the package was satisfactorily torn apart (to pieces), in my hand smiled this small bottle of Vent Clip which I upheld high in the air for everyone to admire with starry eyes.

Something told me inside that ‘Ritesh, now that you have got a car vent clip, you will need to buy a car.’

It filled me with a twinge of guilt and defeat. ‘Oh I don’t have a car’. Should I mail Renie Revin (the man behind IndiBlogger) and tell him to send me a car so that I can review the clip?

Oh, I wanted to. And I was about to. But the tiny bit of sense that was left in me warned ‘If you send such a weird mail na, then he will kick you out of the forum’  :O  

So, I picked up my cell (Oh I recently got a smartPhone you know) and called up my friend who had also applied for the clip and who also hasn’t got a car.

She told me that since she cannot buy a car right now (neither can I), she has hung the clip inside her washroom where it is giving out a soft and pleasant odour.

I intend to do the same, unless someone amongst you (yes, including ‘you’ my dear reader) is rich and benevolent enough to gift your poor friend a luxury car (a small one will do. You see I’m not gunning for a BMW, though if you have a ‘bada dil’ I won’t refuse you  :/  )

Speaking from my perception about the product (I pride myself on my power of judgment, btw) and on the basis of several interviews with which I have grilled my friends and acquaintances, here are the pros and cons of this clip:

Pros:

-          It is easy to fit inside your car and is user-friendly

-          It is light in weight, easy to carry and packaged well in a transparent bottle

-          It is not expensive and can be purchased for just around Rs 200 (that’s not much since you are already shelling out double that amount for 2-hours of a crappy Bollywood cinema these days)

-          The mini vent clip lasts for around a month (or more) quite easily and comes as a ‘paisa vasool’ thing

-          It is deliciously fragrant and proves itself to be a reliable comfort during the tediously long road journeys and while negotiating those silly traffics

-          It is available in several different aromas

-          It can be given as a gift. It is rich in looks but doesn’t cost you much. So, a win-win situation, woooo   :D

Cons:

-          On the downside, you need to have a car to get the best use out of it. So, if you are buying it, you will have to shell out around 4-5 lakhs to buy a car as well

-           Some people like Voldemort may not be able to smell it (but then, he already nose that)

PS- I asked my elder sister Sheetal Didi to take my clip (since they have a car), but she told me that they already have a stock of Ambi Pur car clips at their place).

Guess, I will have to wait till the day some kind-hearted Messiah gifts me a car    L

[The post is actually a rainbow of my views and emotions, with its usual dollops of melodrama. I hope you enjoyed reading it. By the way, it has been penned for an IndiBlogger Contest by Ambi Pur Mini VentClip.]

~Ritesh Agarwal

Feel free to send me a car this ‘Diwali’ and win a ‘dinner with Ritesh’ contest. Hurry, offer lasts till 31.12.eternity.     

Dining with bloggers: When pen holders hold a spoon

So, in order to celebrate 3 years of 'Some Bedtime Stories' and many years of writing, I intend to throw a bash. Yes, a Gourmet dinner party in which I intend to invite everyone who is a part of the writing world.

Of course, I would love to include authors like Amitav Ghosh, JK Rowling and even Chetan Bhagat (though I’m not quite fond of him) in the guest list, but since I’m not exactly on back-slapping terms with them, I shall let them pass for the time being.

But thankfully, I am pretty much on intimate terms with my fellow bloggers who won’t be able to say no to my invite. (To quote a movie, “I’m going to make them an offer they can’t refuse!) After all, who doesn’t love free food? Plus, most of the bloggers have been feeding on free goodies from IndiBlogger and hence anything free which comes their way is expected to be lapped up immediately.  :D

On a serious note, we share a healthy camaraderie and since the theme of the party would centre around books & writers, I see no reason for them not to come.

So, without teasing your digestive hormones further, let us jump into the details:

Date of the party: The first Saturday of July, 2013

Location: At home or at a hotel room (I would decide the exact venue later. I may win a stay in an ITC hotel if KitchensOfIndia so desires)

Guests: Every blogger is invited including my personal favorites like Bushra, Meera, Saru, Richa, Kislaya, Jyoti, Tom, Nitesh, Anukriti, Stephen, Jasmeet, Anjan, Ankita, Asteria and ‘you’

Theme: Books and Authors

Dress Code: Everyone must dress up as one of their favorite literary characters. From the saintly Dumbledore to the nefarious Frankeinstein, come as you like J

Topic of discussion for ‘entertainment’: While we chomp and chew over our favorite dishes, the hot topics up for discussion would be random subjects revolving around books viz. “Our favorite books”, “Our favorite authors”, “Our plans for publication”, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Potter, Agatha, Poe

Menu: Yup, now comes the more delectable part of the post. I propose a menu which would bring water to the mouth of any bookworm. (KitchensOfIndia would be supplying me with these items. Of course, I am renaming the items to make them suit my party’s theme)

a.      Baker Street Biryani (This dish is elementary my dear)  [check sample here]

b.      Poirot’s Paneer (Eh bien :O    [check sample here]

c.        Chetan Chicken Curry (for chic lit lovers)   [check sample here]

d.      Mutton of Roger Acroyd (for those who can’t do without Agatha Christie) [check sample here]

e.      Hyderabadi Chicken Biryani Mix (for Classic lovers) [check sample here]

f.        Harry Potter Ka Hazoori Petha Halwa (strictly prohibited for muggles) [check sample here]

g.      Bond with Bukhara….Dal Bukhara….007 Dal Bukhara  [check sample here]

So, what are you waiting for! Check your calendar and mark the date! This ‘Gourmet’ party is going to be something you can’t refuse (remember my last   :O)

[This post has been written for a contest held by KitchensOfIndia in association with IndiBlogger]. 

What an IndiBlogger thinks

IndiBlogger A checks his mailbox-

·         “IndiBlogger B has voted for your post.”

·         “IndiBlogger C has voted for your post”

·         “IndiBlogger C has commented on your post- ‘wow, what a beauty you wrote….that was so poignant. It sliced my heart. Even my dog was crying. You are a genius. I am your fan……blah blah”

“Hmmm,” IndiBlogger A muses. “IndiBlogger C has left good, long comments. He spent time typing all those words. I must visit his blog and leave a similar such good and long comment.

IndiBlogger B just voted; didn’t comment. I wonder if he even read my post! Maybe, he read but didn’t like what I wrote. Maybe, he just pressed the ‘vote’ button without even taking a glance into what I wrote. He may have done that to make me feel obliged to vote him back. Well, okay, I would just vote for one of his latest posts. Of course, I won’t comment.

I don’t see anything from IndiBlogger D. I had voted for 3 of her posts in the past week. But she has ignored me completely, as if I’m some silly mediocre writer whose trashy blog is not even worth visiting. I need to stop voting for her again. That would be the best way to settle scores. Why should I shower importance to such a high-headed person who thinks herself to be superior to me? Ehsaan Faramosh, huh!

[Note: This is just a humour post with no malice intended to the IndiBlogger community. All the characters A, B, C and D are fictitious and bear no resemblance to any blogger active, dead or dormant. 

This post has been inspired from the brilliant doodle 'Type of IndiBloggers' created by blogger-cum-doodler-cum-friend MySay.]

Harry Potter and the hairy problem

He gave a polite knock at the wooden oak door and entered.

“Goodness gracious, why Harry do I have the pleasure of your visit at this unearthly hour,” beamed Dumbledore from across his desk.

“Sir,” Harry paused. “I need your advice on a certain matter.”

Dumbledore peered through his half-moon glasses and fixed his ageing eyes on Harry’s green ones. Yet again, Harry felt as if he was being X-rayed. The headmaster sensed his anxiety and smiled in encouragement.  

“So, I am not the only one losing his sleep over mundane worries,” he sighed. “Tell me Harry, what brings you to my office at one o’clock in the night.”

“Sir actually…..” Harry ransacked his mind, trying to find the best way to put forth his question. “Sir, I have been having some trouble with my hair for the last few days. Actually, I’m suffering from split ends. And…and…my hair gets all tangled and messy. I was wondering if…if you could help me in the matter,” he finished.

Dumbledore smiled. “Alas, I’m afraid, Harry, that I can be of little help to you. I’ve been myself trying to find a solution for split ends ever since I took a fancy to long hairs. We’re on the same boat Harry, though I would personally like to take credit for managing much longer and messier hairs than you do.”

Harry discerned the truth in the statement. His own shoulder-length hairs were certainly no match for Dumbledore’s knee-length ones. “But Sir, why not ask someone who can help us. Someone like…..like…Professor McGonagall,” he suggested excitedly.

The door burst open and a tall, thin man clad in deep, black robes strode in.

“Ah, why Professor McGonagall, Harry,” said Dumbledore. “Here comes the man who can give every woman a run for her hair.” He winked. Harry snorted.

“Is there any problem Professor,” spoke Snape in his icy tone. “I assume Potter is here at this hour not just for a cup of tea.”

“Severus, there is a serious problem with our boy this time. And I assure you it has got nothing to do with the Philosopher’s Stone or the Chamber of Secrets,” beamed Dumbledore.

Snape’s lips curled. “Potter has been breaking rules ever since he has stepped foot in Hogwarts. I’m not surprised that he has landed himself in some serious problem. I’ve been telling you to take a strict action against such-

“Saddened though you may be on hearing the news,” Dumbledore interrupted “but let me assure you that he hasn’t broken any rule as yet. Or to rephrase, no new rule has been devised which Harry has broken.” He paused to beam at Harry. “The problem this time is a lot more complex Severus. In fact, I can help him no more than he can help himself. You, on the other hand, can offer a solution in a jiffy.”

“Me? Huh, and how would I do that,” Snape scoffed.

“Because, Severus, you have the highest experience with shampoos in the whole of Hogwarts,” Dumbledore said with an air of pride.

Harry suppressed a chuckle. Snape appeared a tad flummoxed and put out. Before he could forge a reply, Dumbledore continued, “Severus, have you ever suffered from split ends? By Merlin’s grace, you seem to have delightfully straight and shimmering hair, though I must say that there is a scope for reducing the amount of oil that you apply.” Dumbledore scanned his eyes through Snape’s dense locks with an apparent curiosity.

Snape turned a shade of scarlet, but regained his stance after confidently running his hand through his silky manes. “I, professor, would recommend Dove Split End Rescue Shampoo. I’ve been personally using it since my teenage days.”

“Isn’t Dove used basically by women,” Dumbledore eyed him with suspicion.

Snape sneered. “That is an incorrect notion, professor. My mother used Dove for getting those impeccable braids. But she even introduced me to it, after I started developing spilt ends in my adolescence. My split ends were gone in no time. I will bet all my potions kits that this shampoo will solve Potter’s hairy problems.”

“Are you…umm.. sure, Sir,” Harry broke in. He didn’t want to make an experiment by putting his hair on the line. After all, the Yule Ball was scheduled to take place next month, and he wanted to look his best while asking Cho to be his partner.

“Positive,” said Snape tersely. He turned towards Dumbledore. “I have persisted with Dove ever since I used it for the first time, way back when I was 15. In fact, I just shampooed my hair a couple of hours back, and I felt completely rejuvenated.”

“Using Dove still?” asked Dumbledore, “after all this time.”

“Always.”

[This post, a reproduction of JK Rowling's Harry Potter series, has been penned for an Indiblogger contest in association with Dove.]

Harry Potter series rewritten in FB style

On his 11^th birthday, Harry Potter received a request, in the form of an e-letter, which he accepted. He had now become eligible to join the Hogwarts Institution. Hagrid, a veteran employee of the institution, helped Harry fill the application form and gave him the URL of the school’s location.

After Harry joined Hogwarts, he learnt of Voldemort, one of the evilest and darkest hackers of all times. With the help of Wormtail, a local technician, Voldemort had stolen the secret password of Lily and James (Harry’s parents) and deleted their accounts. Voldemort also tried to delete Harry’s account (who was barely one year old at the time) but somehow lost access to his own profile.

But Albus Dumbledore, the CEO of Hogwarts, was sure that Voldemort would soon resurrect with a new profile and he would be stronger and far more dangerous.

In his 4^th year with Hogwarts, while playing an online Flash game called Triwizard Tournament, Harry clicked a phishing link which sent him to an unknown restricted site. There Harry saw Wormtail helping Voldemort create a new account. Voldemort used Harry’s old password (acquired through phishing) to set up his new account. This made his account more secure and powerful. In his euphoria, Voldemort wanted to create a page titled ‘Harry Potter flows in my blood’ but found that a page by such a name already existed.

Voldemort tried to delete Harry’s account but for some technical flaws existing in their twin wires, Harry escaped. Alerted by Harry’s timely warning, Dumbledore pinged all his old members and reactivated his group called ‘Order of the Phoenix’. Harry and his friends Ron, Fred, George, Ginny and Hermione also wanted to join the group and sent requests but the chief admin Mrs. Weasley turned them down. 

Meanwhile, Voldemort had reactivated his own group called ‘Death Eaters’ who were seasoned hackers and rejoiced in destroying the laptops of Muggles.

A Facebook application called ‘Your future prediction’ had revealed that Voldemort won’t survive as long as Harry survived. So, Voldemort was determined to delete Harry’s account forever. On the other hand, Harry learnt that he would have to delete Voldemort’s account or else be ready to get logged off for ever.

A video file, which was saved in a secret folder in Horace Slughorn’s desktop, confirmed Dumbledore’s deep-rooted suspicion. Voldemort had 7 profiles secured under different passwords. The onus rested on Harry to hunt down all the profiles and to delete them one by one.

Harry, Ron and the super-smart Hermione spent many days glued to their laptops and trying to trace out Voldemort’s profiles. They initially searched using his name on the search bar. But it yielded no result. Moreover, they soon realized that his named was ‘tabooed’. Typing down his name would automatically lead to an internet disconnection.  In desperation, desolation, anger and a moment of madness, Ron unfriended the two and went away. But he soon added them back and helped delete one of Voldemort’s profiles forever. Hermione was unwilling to accept him back in her ‘close friends’ list but later she relented.

Finally, with time, the trio destroyed most of Voldemort’s profiles. But at the end stage, Severus Snape e-mailed Harry and shared his two decades of FB conversation with Dumbledore. To his horror, Harry realized that his own profile concealed a part of Voldemort’s profile. So, Harry would have to delete himself to delete his adversary.

Harry made himself ‘visible’ to Voldemort who laughingly deleted his account. But instead of getting disconnected completely, Harry got directed to a website where he found Dumbledore online. The two chatted for a while and Dumbledore filled him up with some technical secrets and knowledge.

‘Harry, you can get your profile back, if you want to,’ said Dumbledore.

‘But Sir, is this real or is it happening just inside my CPU.’

‘Of course, it is happening inside your CPU. But why should it not be real,’ Dumbledore smiled his mystical smile.

Harry got access to his profile. Voldemort had hacked the main website of Hogwarts and was planning to create his own e-empire. Harry was delighted to see that there were so many in his contacts who were fighting for him. Even Percy, who had earlier blocked his entire family, had unblocked them and was fighting against Voldemort.

In a final showdown, Harry, who had become the master of the Elderly Wire, defeated Voldemort and deleted his last remaining profile. The Internet world celebrated as it was now free from the atrocities of the most evil hacker of all times. Harry and Ron changed their relationship status to ‘Committed’ where they received likes and comments from everyone. All was well!

-----------------------x------------------------x--------------------x----------------------------

[Author's Note: Being a devout HP fan, I look forward to meeting new co-HP fans from the blogging community. If you are one, you can also check out my facebook page Harry Potter Flows in my Blood.

A blogger’s night out: Me, my friends and ‘Four Seasons Wines’

So, it started like this. I got an invitation from team ‘Ginger Claps’ to attend ‘Adrenalize 2013’, an annual event of ‘Four Seasons Wines’ at the famed Tollygunge Club (Paddocks) in Kolkata on 19^th January, 2013. It was supposed to be a high-profile social event, and even though I’m pretty gregarious & open-minded, I am not a big party animal. Hence, I was in two minds whether to go or not. A little web search about the previous parties by ‘Four Seasons Wines’ gave me assurance and even egged me to go for this one. So, here I was traveling through the Metro to the furthest corner of my city for taking part in a Wine Festival, despite the fact that I had never tasted the holy drink in my life (till now, though things would soon change for the better).

I reached the place well before time and was a tad unsure about my role out there. I didn’t know anyone in person and that was a bit unnerving. Mr. Mitter from ‘Ginger Claps’ greeted me warmly giving me much more respect than a little-known blogger like me deserved. He showed me around to a table where I was supposed to wait for 6 other co-bloggers from Kolkata (eventually, 5 of them turned up).

Left alone, I decided to check out a few things. I surveyed the ambience (which was very pleasing), threw a glance at the food table (which I knew would soon be brimming with the yummiest of things one can put to his mouth), and went over to the wine section for taking a few clicks.   

I was soon joined by two co-bloggers named Soumi and Debiparna. Even though, we had never known each other before, it was heartening to see the two girls open up candidly to me. The three of us discussed a bit about our blogs and about their love (and my naivety) for the wine. Soon enough, two more bloggers (Animesh and Deepa) joined us.

The event then kickstarted with the gorgeous hostess Gunjan taking the mike! A few awards were given out to winners of ‘Wine Trail’, an exciting endeavor by ‘Four Seasons Wines’. The lucky winners took home an expensive bottle of wine (what more could they ask from life??)! Some of the bloggers were already salivating, and soon enough, two farm-fresh wine bottles were served at our table. Animesh poured the wine onto our glasses (there are special glasses for drinking wine) with the air of someone who has been handling it since childhood. However, he soon revealed that he had learnt the correct art of pouring wines from Hollywood films.    

We raised our glasses to ‘Four Seasons Wines’ and I took the first sip of my life (my lips were no longer virgin). Even though I was a novice, I could sense that the quality of wine was numero uno. We started off with the red wine and soon drank our way into the white wine! For someone who is as ignorant as me, it was a learning experience, since I got to know a few secrets about them. Later on, of course, the master chefs regaled the crowd with their special cooking recipes, and let us in on some trivia about wines & vineyard.

The much-awaited grape-stomping session was held next. The leggy models slithered into the huge tub (filled with luscious grapes) and stomped, much to the delight of the photographers. Deepa and Soumi too braved the limelight for a taste of the experience. After making their feet feast on the sugary grapes, they finally giggled their way out. The host Gunjan looked mightily pleased. It was apparent that the grape-stomping thing had gone down well with the crowd. And NO, I didn’t enter that tub! 

Meanwhile, the foodies had now come to the fore. The food table was flooded with some really scrumptious dishes. We bloggers were given free food coupons worth Rs 300. I picked up the yummy-looking ‘paneer tikka’ while my friends chose to brutally attack several non-veg items. While our jaws & tongues were still at work, Gunjan stimulated everyone’s hormones by letting the music flow. Yes, it was time for the DJ to set up the ambience for the dance floor. With some really groovy numbers being belted, the crowd soon invaded the dance floor! Prizes were given out generously every few minutes (yes, the expensive wine bottle again).

We bloggers, with the exception of Animesh, hit the floor as well. Propelled by the wine and the foot-tapping music, we danced like our lives depended on it. 

Finally, at around 10 pm, we bloggers decided to call it a day (though the dance floor was still alive) coz it was really getting late (and I lived at the other end of the city).   

So, in a nutshell, let me tell you how I profited from this venture:

-          I made several new friends

-          I became a party animal (even if it’s for a day)

-          I had my first brush with top-quality wine (and for free)

-          I got to take part in one of the biggest social events of the town

-          I dug into the most delicious paneer-tikka I have ever tasted

-          I got to be a part of the exclusive Tollygunge Club

Megha, Deepa, Debi and Soumi

Me sporting a 'Devdas' look

So, am I game for the next such event? I guess you already know the answer! 

A sincere thanks to 'Four Seasons Wines' and to team 'Ginger Claps' for giving me this opportunity.