Saturday, June 9, 2012

How a Bengali nerd prepares for school exams



I happen to know a lot of nerds being a nerd myself (oh just kidding)! If one comes across some of these Bengali nerds then one will be really taken aback by the interesting lifestyle they lead. Interesting not for them but to an outside observer. For instance, if you happen to observe a Bengali geek preparing for his exams, you will surely be amused by the way his nose almost seems to be kissing the pages.
The day before a big exam, our protagonist (the Bengali nerd) will place himself over the bed as if he is sitting on a throne. Then he will surround himself with pillows and heaps of books (and in that order of priority). Next moment, he will lose himself completely amidst the pages and notes he has religiously prepared throughout his academic year. At that moment, he will show a fabulous ability to sit without twitching even a muscle reminding you of some devout Yogi performing a ‘kathor tapasya’. The only thing showing some sign of life will be the lips where you will notice a sort of fervent, feverish muttering going on constantly. Time will fly and the boy would have moved not a muscle. 1 hour….2 hours…3 hours. Bang! Dinner time!
The mother approaches (like a stealthy cat making sure not to make a sound lest her son gets disturbed) with a tray of food, sits beside him and spoonfeeds him. The son will not abort his position of study but will simply turn his face towards her spoon to get fed in between his mutterings & murmurs. After the dinner is done, mom will dutifully wipe his face with water and a napkin. He would continue boring his eyes into the books with his heart pounding fast now that time is slipping by. As the clock would inch towards midnight, he will begin to sway on the spot (sitting but swaying wildly) like a tentative leaf.
He would continue to study for as long as it’s possible (he would even suppress the urge to go to bathroom until he has confidently memorized the answer). After realizing late at night that it’s time to sleep, he will camp then and there. He shall prepare a makeshift bed for himself amidst the books and lie down surrounded by books like a VIP surrounded by body guards.
His mutterings will continue in his sleep. It seems that he will sleep in order to study in his dreams and you would be able to make out his murmurs & mutterings even in sleep. A few hours later, he will wake up even before the crows. Now that the exam is only a few hours away, he will be positively alarmed and will virtually tremble with nervousness. Fear will take possession of him like some cunning devil inhabiting his mind and heart completely. Everytime he will forget a line (or a word) he would positively panic and bury his whole head into the books.  
Soon, his doting mom would come to his rescue to help him calm his nerves. But instead of soothing his nerves, she will incite them further by performing all sorts of rituals. He will be made to eat ‘prasad’ and his mom will smear his forehead with vermillion and other forms of ‘teeka’ taken from God’s feet. He will be sent to bath during which he will constantly revise and re-revise his whole syllabus. Once he is bathed, fed and watered, his mom will tie religious threads all around his neck like a master ties a chain around his dog before going for an important journey. The mom will herself show some signs of panic and will cling to him throughout the journey to school. She will even hold his school bag for him and allow him to revise in complete comfort. Once inside the school, the nerdy boy will somehow calm down now that the battle is about to begin. But his mom will become completely unsettled and panicky and would wait for him outside the school while he writes his paper.
Once the boy is through his exam, his mom would virtually fetch him from his classroom; then force some food into his protesting mouth and then make him relive his entire exam-hours to the minutest detail. After he is through giving her the entire description of the paper to her complete satisfaction, she will take him home….ready for yet another day of studying….for yet another paper. 



8 comments:

  1. This was really funny!! I can just see that doting mom spooning that food into his mouth.. LOL!

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    Replies
    1. Hehe ya ya. Perhaps, you do the same to ur children, Crystal :P

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  2. hehehe..... it was hilarious ! :)

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  3. lol.. yea m a bong gal...n i kinda agree... dey luk lyk dey'll swallow up d buk... n u 4got the umpteen baba ka rings dey wear 4 luck... :-D
    good one... :-)

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