Once upon a page...: December 2014

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Honey, I am home

Honey, I am home.

So?

What so?

What should I do if you are home?

Don’t be a nag. I merely announced my arrival. You don’t really have to do anything.

Huh, what’s there to announce then? You just got home. It’s not that you won the World Cup or something.

Yes I know I merely got home. But I thought it would delight you to hear me again.

You thought wrong.

Ah, but last evening you seemed to be pretty gung ho about my return. Were you not?

Please. That was a mistake.

What mistake?

Never mind.

No tell.

Naa leave.

Don’t act like an irritating woman. Tell me what mistake.

Okay listen. It was a mistake on my part to harbor hopes of a romantic evening with you.

But I did romance with you… Umm…I mean we went to that movie, right? You should be

happy. The movie was good. Ranbir was amazing in that movie.

Yes, only he was.

Now what is that supposed to mean?

Don’t act oversmart you man. You know very well how itchy was your face. Had I known you won’t be shaving, I wouldn’t have gone to that movie or any movie for God’s sake.

You woman, how dare you accuse me after having a fully enjoyable outing. You ate the whole cake and now you say it was disgusting. I hate you, you WOMAN.

You dare not call me WOMAN in that stinky voice of yours.

I will. Do what you want.

GO TO HELL. I don’t care for any goddamn movie anymore. Come home at midnight for all I care. And just not come anywhere near me. You are as stinky as your week-long beard.

40 minutes later:

Ahem, I have shaved.

So?

What so?

Why telling me? Why do I care?

Umm ya, I was just feeling hungry. Umm so I checked in to see if you are there.

I will get you something from the kitchen. Wait.

Ahem.

YES?

I was wondering dear wifey if that newly opened restaurant is really as good as they say.

Yeah, I was wondering the same.

Should we not go and see?

We can.

I think we should dine out tonight at that place. Will that be okay with you?

Hmmm

Mmmm

[This post is a part of #WillYouShave activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette]

I have written this post acknowledging the tag of Surbhi Bafna's Santi Claus

Why Sherlock Holmes couldn't settle down?

Sherlock Holmes is one fictional character who has transgressed every conceivable line of society, culture, language and class. Speculations around him have always courted newspaper headlines since the late 19th century when Arthur Conan Doyle fathered his most popular character. In recent years, the detective's character has been revamped owing to a few unfaithful portrayals by movie and TV stars. Perhaps, Doyle would be turning in his grave right now, given that the Y-gen girls cannot stop giggling over Holmes' rumored liaison with his companion Dr. Watson. Doyle never even hinted at the homosexual tendency of Holmes. On the contrary, he had sent a teaser down our bladders by making the sleuth a self-admitted admirer of one Irene Adler (who appeared in the short story "A Scandal in Bohemia", published in July, 1891).

Holmes never settled down though. Was he really in love with Irene or was he merely an admirer of her resourcefulness is something which should be left just the way it is- unsolvable and speculative. What is clear though is that he had a knack for getting too absorbed in thoughts while working on a case. Today's average college-going girl may not have really given him any brownie point for staying ungroomed. Ironically, girls do seem to have a mental orgasm everytime Benedict Cumberbatch parts with one of his devil-may-care smirks. But a real-life Holmes would definitely have been in need of a Gillette razor. A couple of swipes and there you have a face so smooth, slippery and kiss-ready that even Miss Adler would have done much more than saying, "Good night, Mister Sherlock Holmes."

So, when Robert Downey Jr. missed a great opportunity to bed Irene Adler in the movie, it was a clear "case of lost opportunity" and must have something to do with his unkempt, unhygienic look.

Amazingly, the book Holmes, cites Listverse, was squeaky clean.

"Sherlock Holmes is actually described in The Hound of the Baskervilles as having a cat like approach to cleanliness"- Listverse.com

Like most popular literary characters, this one too seems to have been hit hard by the media makers. Seems like the 'real' Doyle's Holmes did shave regularly, though he couldn't have had access to the sophisticated shaving products we have today. Alas, he could so easily have been a married guy today.