Saturday, January 12, 2013

55 word story: The white pearl





Mayuri’s dead mother stood before her. She ruffled her daughter’s hair, placed a white pearl in her palm and whispered, “This will bring you luck, dear. Take care.” And then she disappeared, and Mayuri woke up from her dream. Her mind was numb. She threw off her blanket. A white pearl rolled onto the floor. 





16 comments:

  1. very sad.. and haunting little tail Ritesh.. Maybe my mom will come back to visit me when it's her time to leave this world..

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    1. Hey Crystal, who knows your mom may outlive you. Prayers for her long health. And, of course, those who die can come back to us :)

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  2. You know you rock at this genre of writing. I haven't read anyone as good as you.

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    1. This Saru is the most encouraging comment I have ever received...and coming from you,it's a big thing. Thanks much. I promise i won't let you down in the future :)

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  3. Good attempt. Make it tighter. //If the pearl was in her palm, why does it fall off when she throws away the blanket? The story doesn't ask a reader to make a jump in imagination.//

    But I'll admit, you are good at shorty stuff.

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    Replies
    1. Hi. I had that option. That she would wake up and find a pearl in her palm. But i wanted it to be a tad subtle. I prefer to keep my endings open to multiple interpretations.
      Anyway, thanks for your good suggestion. :)

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  4. Your innate ability to write short stories make your work highly intriguing. I'm your fan sir! Superb..

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  5. Hehe, I am your fan too for the effortless humor & realism u put into your stories. :))

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  6. You can do much better. First time hopping here, looking forward to read some of your other posts.

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