Sunday, February 12, 2012

Diary of an Alzheimer’s patient


Life is really quite unpredictable as Yuvraj Singh found out recently and as I did a few years back. So often has a person spent the happiest phase of his life only to realize that his life is shorter than he was actually banking upon. Another intriguing human tendency is that we often get into the delusion that ‘life-threatening’ diseases and accidents are things that can happen only to others and, preferably, to a high-profile celebrity or a wealthy not-so-near relative. But……

My story is not a different cry….How green was my valley till fate showed its true cards. I have been battling some severe chronic diseases for the past few years and the damage has been so severe and, unfortunately, presented itself so silently, that it’s hard to state how & where it all started. Though, there is an army of ailments t troubling my body at the moment, the most dreadful of them is Alzheimer’s disease. You may have vaguely heard of it as a silent killer that robs mind & memory but, trust me, it is the modus operandi of this lethal disease which can be really frustrating.

Firstly, Alzheimer’s loves to play hide-n-seek with you. One moment you feel quite good, cheerful & full of grey cells (your thoughts flow clearly) and within minutes, your mind just gets foggy & muddled up. Thoughts do not flow easily and words are hard to recall. I can clearly remember incidents of my childhood or the names of my old classmates & teachers. But I find it almost impossible to recall the names of some of my ‘facebook’ friends or even those of some of the newer breed of celebrities. What is most frustrating is that I’m always at a loss to recollect passwords of some of my e-accounts! Though, I have cultivated the habit of maintaining one single password for all my IDs & profiles, at times, they ask to set new passwords (for security purpose) and that’s when I cringe in fear as I struggle to think of something that would not get lost in the recesses of my fading mind. But having lost confidence in my mental abilities, I recently wrote down in a diary all my important profile usernames & passwords (just in case, things get too difficult).

Secondly, Alzheimer’s has sort of blinded me to the happenings around me. Quite often, when the mind is in a numb state, I lose all sense of time & reality. Things do not register themselves in my mind that easily. For instance, an hour back, I just trotted out of my 1st floor flat to take a walk in the neighbourhood for 10-15 minutes. However, the brain was so unclear that it was finding it impossible to keep pace with reality. I seemed to be walking on streets without realizing what I’m doing. I could see everything clearly and I was aware of my whereabouts but mind seemed to have gone for a holiday. You can compare it to a person who is sleep-walking. He is alert & sound but unable to recall his actions later on! I’m not sure how to put this feeling through words….It’s just a feeling and one of those rare things that are, really inexplicable.

And what about my dreams, my future, my ambitions? Hmmm….it’s a sensitive issue. Things are looking bleak. Dreams are shrinking along with grey cells….Future is a far-away thing, even the present is uncertain……And then, I am the only child of my parents. But hey, even an Alzheimer’s patient is entitled to hope. Things may be slipping away, memories may let go of me, thoughts may bid me adieu….But there’s a fantastic message that I had once received in the form of a forwarded text SMS. I can’t recall the initial line but the concluding line was something like this, “To meet and part is the way of life….but to part and meet is the hope of life…..”
                                                                                                                             

11 comments:

  1. I feel sorry to hear that you have a life threatening disease... hope scientists will find the cure soon...

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  2. Life doesn't signify yesterday or tomorrow its about 'right now'..And it may be really tough to you but you should live every fragment of it to the fullest and make new memories everyday..So just live today,make new goals each day,and try and make a difference in life everyday because very less people can do that..
    More courage to you..

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  3. Thank you Ashok. And thanks a lot Sonia. It's true indeed that life is pretty much about 'right now'....as they say, 'kal ho na ho'...there's no tomorrow :)

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    1. Yeaa and life is beautiful..The trick is to add life to your days, not days to your life!!Have a great day today..:)

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    2. Wow..."Add life to your days, not days to your life." I will add that in my Quote-copy.
      On this occasion, it's you who made my day :)

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  4. Hey,Ritesh
    I just read an article in the telegraph today about the cure for Alzheimer's..I am sending you the link do check it out when you have time..
    http://www.telegraphindia.com/1120201/jsp/frontpage/story_15077580.jsp

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    1. Hi Sonia. U are so nice to put in that effort for me. I have read that news sometime back but your gesture moved me. :)

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  5. Two things- Sympathy and Support.
    I am choosing the latter. Diseases are meant to be cured. And yours can be healed just with a strong conviction.

    There is something magical about every imagination and the belief that anything can happen if your desire is strong enough.


    I see you as a healthy person living his life to the fullest. And trust me it is going to be. :) :) :)

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  6. Worry not, am fighting back....your support will be needed throughout and am glad about it :)

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  7. you seem to be inclined towards Alzheimer's. two posts on the same thing..am interested to know why?!

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  8. Ya, i have a bit of association with it :)

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