How my laptop torments me like an Indian wife

They say marriage can be a real torment especially if your wife is blessed with this annoying gift to nag. And the ability to nag is something that comes so effortlessly to the women folks! Being a man I feel handicapped, at times. And since, I am a docile and peace-loving, violence-free person (they once asked me to be the poster boy for Gandhian principles), my laptop loves to exploit me.

Yes, the same laptop, over which I had blown away my entire savings 2 years back, enjoys taking advantage of my easy-going nature. It irritates me morning, noon & night and manages to come up with new opportunities to torment me, especially, when I am sunk knee-deep in work. Being a freelance writer, I have to spend the major portion of my day glued to the internet. So, it won’t be wrong to state that I am sort-of married to my laptop (we recently celebrated our 2^nd anniversary this January). And like a true, devoted Indian wife, it has taken over the holy task of nagging me with a tireless zeal & unwavering commitment.

The poor creature, being an abiotic thing, cannot yell (if you are wondering what’s ‘abiotic’, it’s time you brush up your biology) but makes up for it in the form of ‘hanging’. Daily, without fail, it hangs exactly at moments when I am running short of time or when there are a few very important tabs that are lying opened. My blood boils at such moments since I am forced to press the ‘On/Off’ button to restart the computer. Thus, I lose all my tabs, lament over the priceless lost minutes and suffer from disturbance in concentration. Having achieved its mission, my laptop, now (after ‘restart’), presents a smiling face feigning a child-like innocence.

The devastating manner in which it hangs makes it resemble an Indian wife staring unblinkingly at her husband with a sullen or furious face. Basically, all my cuss words have now been reserved by my laptop which faces my verbal wrath during its hangover time. Of course, the laptop is undaunted and undeterred by all the curses (in fact, it relishes them) and goes about its business with an increased appetite. I must confess that I am not a habitual user of those heinous cuss words (like ‘fu*k); something that used to give me immense pride in my pre-laptop days. But my lappy has successfully enlisted my name in the category of the most frequent users of these slangs (it’s a different matter that I find some of the slangs extremely de-stressing & calm-evoking in such moments of intense fury). And I am afraid that the f-word is slowly becoming my signature slang (something that threatens my Gandhian ‘posterboy’ image).

  But, on the brighter side, there are days, when my lappy spares me the agonies and lets me do my work without any glitch….. (rare moments of its friendly mood). So, that’s my story…..Me….. an earthly soul carrying the cross of the sinful technology..…

And, did I tell you that my laptop is looking for its lost sibling (the ‘Kumbh Ka Mela’ effect)? This cousin, says my lappy, is much more annoying and is, currently, unleashing itself on an unknown, helpless Indian in some remote corner of the country…….Do tell us if this ‘helpless Indian’ is you.

PS- Just like my bank balance, my blog’s popularity refuses to grow up. So, kindly be good enough to share my tragic story….And I will wish you a hanging-free life ahead. Amen!